Well obviously, after so long an absence from the blogosphere, the very first things I want to blog about are bogs. No, I didn’t misspell that. Bogs.
Loos. Lavatories.
There’s something that has puzzled me for some time and after a couple of pints in the opera’s local boozer, the Blaubrug, and a couple of visits to the smallest room, I felt compelled to bring it up. So I asked Clive, our Claggart: “these loos with two flush buttons, which do you reckon you’re supposed to press? Is it small button for small flush or big button for big flush?”
Clive had no doubt that small for small and big for big was the correct flushing etiquette.
“Ah,” I said, “but what if they’re trying to encourage us to use only a small flush, so the bug button is the obvious button to push rather than the extravagant small button?”
“No, no, it’s obvious. Big button, big flush.”
But then Jacques, our Billy, weighed in. “No, it’s big button, small flush!”
In comes John Mark, our Vere: “oh, what the hell, you just press both buttons.”
So which is it? I side with Jacques, especially when you bear in mind the cisterns that have a very small flush button with a tiny, independent nipple set in them. The nipple is too small to find easily when making a blind stab at flushing so I can only assume the big button is the default and the nipple is an extravagance.
Still, I’m not entirely satisfied and I’m afraid I’m going to have to waste gallons of water (but there’s no shortage of it here at the moment) and an unnecessary amount of time finding out for sure and making a definitive judgment about this, just, if for nothing else, to encourage some harmony amongst my fellow shipmates on the good ship “Billy Budd”. Whatever I discover though I’m inclined to side with Vere. One button is very rarely enough.

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